my chest rose and fell
I had my fist up against my rib
as I lay on my stomach
in this pretence to doze off
I bury my face in satin sheets
suffocating my airways
for my will to live is absent
but all I am is a coward
despite being so suicidal
my eyelids subtly collapsed
as I no longer held it back
the lights that I withdrew from
flared
dreamy, nostalgic
yet a complete blur
they danced
in static diagonal lines
in zigzags and polka dots
I could hear the clock ticking away,
the fan vocalising
to which my teeth stung
not deprived of sleep really
resisting consciousness is all that is
dreading my turn to partake in the ratrace
I'm wrapped in sheets
still I quiver
though my feet sweat
so I leave them out
to summon the bedmonsters
good god I'm no orphan
imagine having to walk out of the car
when I could simply pretend
and get carried to bed
not to mention the kiss
like they know it's all an act
from the performative drool
I was never told
that you cannot sleep away your troubles
that they're not generous enough to forsake you like grizzly bears
it's brutal out here man
take a nap or something
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