Writers Jam

The Devil has been let loose; the theme of this week that asks you to ponder on everyone that got away. A lot of us have so many people we would write about; the friendships, the relationships, the connections, maybe I would too in another post, but this one is different. I have let so much get away.

In “the past”, a part of me got away, a part that was narcissistic, selfish, less empathetic. It got away because I evolved, picking up the best of things from almost anyone I observed, fictional or otherwise. These traits I am happy to have left behind, but I still wonder did it make me less self-centered than I should be?; did it make me respect myself a little less?; did I shift from one extreme to the other?

In “the past”, a part of me got away, a part that was childish, maybe naive, someone who would have found joy in all the little things nobody around him seemed excited for. It got away and I let it, in the expectation that my family, the society, and everyone I was seeking validation from would deem me to be mature. This leaves me in agony at times, where I wonder if I will ever find a similar magnitude of joy?; if anyone would ever laugh at the silly jokes I tell myself?; if I will ever be so unapologetically my radiant self?

In “the past”, a part of me got away, a part that was adventurous, hyped to take on new challenges (successfully too), a part that was not afraid of my own expectations. It got away when I conformed to others’ opinions of myself and my capabilities. The potential I never realised; the friends I never made; the heights I never reached. This sends me down a rabbit hole of ‘what could’ve been’, would I be a professional skater?; would I be a music producer if I invested in it more than just a hobby?; would I be much further in the exploration of this side of mine, which always wanted to write?

I have thought, overthought, and thought some more about all of the above, but does it even matter? Will I ever be able to reverse the time that got away? Will I ever be able to chase the me that got away? Will I ever be able to find the essence I want if I keep worrying about the fragments that got away? I am content with everything that was left behind, so now the only thing to focus on is “the present”, the one that would get away if I don’t align my creativity and curiosity, my will and wisdom. This is the only way to minimize the rumination of what got away.